The Running Commentary in my Head

I generally don't do stuff like this (because I don't want to get sued) but as I was looking at this awesome NY Times photo illustration which summarizes some really trivial and really prevalent stuff — they called it abstract — found in the 2008 census, I couldn't tame the running commentary in my head.

I took it apart and added my commentary below for your enjoyment. This is how my brain works. Don't be offended. Or be offended, I don't really care.

Maybe we just decided to replace food with alcohol. I know I did. Red wine is good for your heart and red meat is bad for it, right? Oh and veggies just suck. (Not really, I <3 Vegetables.)

Who needs to get married when they're 19? Oh people who think to themselves, "Well if it sucks we can just get a divorce". Also, who needs a man to get pregnant? Oh, wait.

Food obviously tastes better when it grows in horse shit. Or Americans are full of horse shit... Besides, when you have that many new organic farms, the natural next step is to tear up all the old farms and replace them with highways and strip malls.

White people are totally late to the party.

Damn all those late nights at jazz concerts! (Or according to my Czech friends, Americans work too hard for too long. We don't know how to enjoy life. This is probably true.)

Well then apparently the rise in pharmacies has nothing to do with Adderall abuse. It must be a Real Housewives epidemic.

Where the Latinos and the Asians at?

I hope the idiots who thought they could sneak a knife or a gun on planes are the ones crowding our prisons. Also, box-cutter, really? What the hell are you going to accomplish with a box-cutter?

Now these folks know where the real meat is at. Also, I wonder how many people were accidentally counted as pigs.

Bowling is a sport too!

*Source: All illustrations by Jennifer Daniel for The New York Times and acquired from nytimes.com.